I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
