If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
