$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
