yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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