So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
