it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
