Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
