This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
