I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
