i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I need moral support for this bender
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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