Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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