I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
