had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
