new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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