Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
