will power is for people who don't want to get laid
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
