wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
