I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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