This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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