You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
