you guys were way drunker than both of me
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
