I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
