Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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