ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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