The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
