How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
