I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
