Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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