Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
