Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
