Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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