Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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