i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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