I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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