I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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