Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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