Please, let me fuck your mom
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
