Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
