So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
