hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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