Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
