What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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