I wish I could teleport
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
