i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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