I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize