Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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