Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
