Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
