Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
there's paper in my vomit.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Brb crying the tears of my youth
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
