I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Who died my cat blue again?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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