I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My balls are so social today.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
