the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
