ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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