you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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