My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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