Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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