I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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