So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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