im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
