I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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