theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
