I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
