I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i wish my penis had a tongue
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
