i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
