I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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