I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
