I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
don't judge my taste in strippers
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
