I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
