I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
