...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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