i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
