do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
