Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
