Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
